Seriously Strange Families

By Walton Golightly

Gran knows best
Helen Washington, 75, of Brooklyn Center, Minnesota, kept telling her grandson not to put his teacup on her furniture, while he kept on doing just that. On October 12, last year, she finally snapped. She snatched the cup away from her grandson and left the room. When she returned, he’d poured himself a new cup of tea and, yes, the cup was resting on her furniture. So she shot him in the leg with the .38 Special she’d gone to fetch.

Home remedy
On the day Ester Price, 95, of Pamplin, Virginia, was admitted to hospital with an unexplained illness, her son, Jack, 56, kindly brought her a cup of coffee – “Not an ordinary event,” according to an investigator. Subsequent tests showed signs of methamphetamine in the old lady’s system. When Price’s stepdaughter told the police she suspected Price was trying to kill his mother, Jack was arrested.

Well, he warned him
On September 29 last year, Ryan Langdale, 19, of Colleton County, South Carolina, warned his 17-year-old cousin not to eat his salt and vinegar chips.
“Touch them and I’ll shoot you,” said Ryan. So, of course, the cousin reached out and touched one of the crisps. Langdale then went into another room, retrieved a rifle and shot his cousin. According to the Charleston Post And Courier, Langdale first claimed his cousin had accidently shot himself while cleaning the rifle. Police got the true story after the cousin came out of surgery.

Silly sausage
As Hermes Callijas-Gasperin’s mother cooked his dinner on October 8 in Bradenton, Florida, she accidentally bumped into her 22-year-old son. That’s when he lost it, the New York Post reports, pelting her with the sausages she was frying and trying to strangle her. The police said Callijas-Gasperin told them he merely wanted his mom to apologise, but he was arrested and charged with domestic battery.

Blame it on the drugs
On August 26 last year, in Floyd County, Kentucky, Mason Tackett’s neighbours called him to say his cousin, Phillip Hagans, was carrying items out of Tackett’s house. When Tackett returned home, he said it ‘looked like he was packing up for a yard sale’. Hagans threw his hands up and said, “I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it.” But what Tackett really couldn’t understand was Hagan’s choice of items to steal: a cheese grater, an empty Lysol bottle and soap. “Who steals a cheese grater?” asked Tackett. “Who steals soap?” The cousin, it seems, was high on meth at the time.

Daddy cool?
On September 6, 2018, Laurence Mitchell, 53, drove his 15-year-old son and the son’s girlfriend, also 15, to a park in Port St Lucie, Florida, so they could ‘do their thang’, as he later described it. When police officer Clayton Baldwin approached Mitchell’s car around 23h30 after the park had closed, Mitchell told him the kids ‘aren’t out there stealing, they’re just having sex’. According to The Smoking Gun, Mitchell was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor.