Reader’s Confession: My Deepest Secret
“NO one knows my secret. I feel like such a failure in life. My father resented me and I was born to a young 15-year-old mother. Life has not been good to me. Ever since I can remember I have never truly been happy and always been the doormat to others. I was always the one who tried so hard to be accepted, only to end up heartbroken. It was in this state of mind that I met my husband almost two decades ago.
When I met him I fell in love and knew he would be the one I would marry. He treated me like I was someone important; like I mattered. Things went well and we truly loved each other; we got married a few months later and things were just fantastic. Two years after our wedding we had our only child, and were in a state of pure bliss… until I discovered that my husband was doing drugs. Cocaine was his choice. Life became unbearable, and he would beat me for no reason. He looked for any excuse to degrade me.
I became a prisoner in my own home. He interfered in my suicide attempts and blamed me for wasting his medical aid when I was seen to. I became a ghost walking around aimlessly, oblivious to the world but alert to his voice and tone. Fear took over my entire life.
He stopped his cocaine use and substituted it with mandrax. I am still treated with disrespect. He still degrades me. I want to run away but I am trapped by fear and my inability to accept rejection. My secret is that I wish he would just vanish off the face of the planet. That someone would get rid of him, however that were to occur… I just want him to never return. I never want to hear his voice again as the sound of it makes my every nerve jolt and my body weak. I cannot think and I am paralysed by fear.”
PLEASE NOTE: These stories are sent in by readers and each is the opinion of the reader only. people magazine is not responsible for what is sent in or how actions/ procedures have been followed. *Names have been changed.