Rob’s Top 5 Picks For The Weekend

HAPPY Friday everybody! This here is my written eulogy to a long week deserving of its demise. Time is a strange being. It fiddles with all of our emotions. Patience is as prime a suspect as they come. Time is to blame when an event divorced of its mechanical working steers awry; it receives praise otherwise by doing nothing but pass. Idle and occupied times are concepts I’ve been grappling with of late – I like peace and quiet, but even this makes for a spot of conscious chaos.

It is but a recent discovery of mine as to why lifts in buildings have mirrors in them. As skyscrapers grew taller people needed something to occupy their time. What better way than a vertical trip of narcissism? Well, that’s rather cynical. Let’s just say that a tie or a skirt needed some adjustment before a person would reach their floor atop the spire of success. I, personally, check for stray clumps of hair on my thinning mane three floors above the basement parking.

The above is a clear indication that I have been thinking of boredom a lot lately. I have come to realise that boredom can in fact be a good thing. We are, after all, inundated with a barrage of tech-malarkey every second. Slipping into an unwitting state of ‘what to do’ is healthy. It serves a purpose; it is an opportunity to organise cognitive quandary. My old man claims that offline is the new luxury. I tend to agree, but I would hardly advocate for extended periods of self-induced boredom.

It is for this reason that I embark on a quest for a new-fangled thing. I say thing because I’m not all too sure what it may be. I also don’t really remember being all too bored as a child. There was always something to do, something adulthood is bereft of.

So, do yourself a favour this weekend. Don’t just yet engage, but discover a new pastime, a hobby in simple parlance. Do yourself an even bigger favour though. Make sure that screens and wires are limited. Do something with your hands and/or find an instrument you feel particularly drawn to. Yes, they are expensive, but think of it this way. You won’t become fit at a quicker pace because you bought the most expensive active wear. Shorts and an old t-shirt will do. Doing something with your own hands is magical. Let’s shoot.

1. Transformers Animatronics: The Exhibition, 11 March – 28 May


I make no secret of my man-childlike disposition. I like “stupid” things – a lot. Boy, does it anger me when others writhe at my fondness for Jak and Daxter. I should not fume, but I’m only human. I’m not too fond of road cyclists or tea parties in Muldersdrift, but I tolerate it as best I can. We all love a beloved piece of pop culture being brought to life. Remember Pokémon GO? What a revelation! The Transformers exhibition can unfortunately not be engaged with physically, but it will give you a decent idea of what these sentient, robotic cowboys and crooks would look like in person. The exhibition is therefore a fully-fledged art exhibition littered with sculptures crafted in the likeness of these treasured characters. I think this event is ideal bonding time for fathers and their sons. I do not discount the alternative art lover by any means. I just feel as though this would have been fun as a kid. Emperors Palace transforms (I beg your pardon) into the mechanical planet, Cybertron where you’d be able to see Optimus Prime, Megatron and their allies in full force. All ticketing options are available through the Emperors Palace website.

2. Hectic On Hope Presents, 18 March


Emo Night: I’m Just A Kid And This Is A Nightclub! This is not one of your more enticing headlines given the scrutiny the oft-maligned subculture receives, but bear with me. This is an opportunity, if you are my age, to relive that formative point in your life where you mattered – only you. However, you’ll be able to indulge said stage with a sober mind this time. Well, I say sober. I actually mean mature. There will be tonnes of booze, I’m sure, but you get what I mean, yes? Emo Night is a throwback to a simpler time – a time where you were in the throes of an identity crisis. At least the music was good. Pop punk from the late 90s and early 2000s was awesome! This is what the night is all about and Hectic on Hope (Club Evol) in Cape Town’s city centre know this to be true. Think Sum 41. Think Green Day, the All American Rejects, Blink 182, Good Charlotte, My Chemical Romance, Jimmy Eat World and a “what was I thinking” attitude. Four DJs will blast these bygone tunes from atop their decks into the wee hours of Sunday morning. All they require from you is a measly R50 that will find its way into the donation tin of TEARS Animal Rescue. Now, go!

3. Lions VS Reds, 18 March


Yes, I know, more rugby, but hear me out. There is something afoot in the South African game. Something stirs within the ranks of our players and coaching teams that, at this point, has me very excited. Last year’s misfortunes are a thing of the past (we hope). Our teams this year look very enterprising, bar the Bulls at present. I have an agenda, too. There is a campaign doing the rounds that so dearly implores the rugby loving public in Johannesburg to put their bums on Emirates Airline Park’s seats. Franco Mostert himself said that a roaring lion’s den injects a great hunting spirit into his teammates. Besides, the South African game can do with every penny if we’d like to see rugby progress to a desired state. Also, it’s our country’s premier Super Rugby team that will invariably embarrass another Aussie team. The Lions have given us something to believe in and not hope for. Luck is the residue of design, my friends. Remember that. Tickets are but a paltry R150 available through Computicket.

4. Rock On The Lawns, 18 March


Where was my mind? I can hardly believe that I caught wind of this auspicious calendar item at such a late stage given the headlining act! Shame on you, Robert Clunie! In a state of panic I did check for ticket availability. Lo and a very, very big behold… there are tickets left. Why, do you ask, am I fretting such a great deal about this? Well, you see, one of the greatest rock bands of our generation happens to find themselves on South African soil. The Pixies are in Mzansi, mense! Even if your introduction to them had been the soundtrack to Fight Club, no problem; who cares? You undoubtedly fell in love with them then and there. Tickets do range between a pricey R495 and R795 for the golden circle, but you absolutely get what you pay for. Not only will you bear witness to an influential music group, but a strong line-up of local musicians too. These include Springbok Nude Girls, Prime Circle, aKing, CrashCarBurn, Shortstraw, The Sweet Resistance and The Robfather. Not bad, huh? Tickets are available through Computicket.

5. 17 March, 17 March


Tonight is drinky night. Why? Well, we as an adoptee of a foreign holiday have long lost the script to its significance in the back of a taxicab after a couple of green beers. I am indeed referring to Saint Patrick’s Day. The holiday can be described as a “cultural and religious celebration held on 17 March, the traditional death date of Saint Patrick, the foremost patron saint of Ireland.” It’s long not that much anymore – at least not in this country. I remember one St. Paddy’s a few years back where I seemingly celebrated an Irish holiday in an English pub while a Scottish rock band were squeezing away at their bagpipes… in South Africa. It’s but an excuse to drink of late, but that’s also fine. The Chantecler Hotel in Durban has a small little gig tonight. They offer a burger and beer special, but I can guess matters to turn jovially rowdy latter on. Sandton in Jozi offers a Saint Paddy’s Day Bush Pub Run at R185. It is an 8km night run with four themed pubs en route. It sounds like cheating to me, but I’ll allow it. Tickets for this event are available through Webticket . Next we have a weekend event at the Vaal that looks somewhat tamer. There are themed events for the kiddies. Take those along too. Entry here is free, thank goodness. The lack of a price tag does not mean less fun though. Stonehaven on Vaal is the hosting venue. They have a full overview of the programme on their website HERE. Have fun!

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Robert is a descendant of the stout Macpherson Clan out of the Scottish Highlands and can claim Robert the Bruce as a far-off cousin. He suffers from a severe form of Collectors’ Disease and sports an assortment of small valuable curious. In his spare time he works a full-time job, but his real prowess lies within his musical aptitude as a drummer. He is a semi-amateur of the instrument and although he claims beating a drumhead one of the more primal sensations man can experience, he feels it to be an unnatural exercise to pursue. If he could have his way, he’d have breakfast every meal of the day and is a fan of all things Roald Dahl.

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