Season’s greeting my weekend friendlies. I fear I am a little late with my Christmas homily, but I’ll console myself in the fact that I did not jump the gun by wishing you well in October. I do not do the tinsel. I think I have mentioned it to be spider-infested fire hazards. Dusting it can also be an arduous task – washing your hands every five minutes can also be rather unpleasant. Nevertheless, I hope that a very strange 2016 treated you with all sorts of ambiguous love it could possibly dish out. Me thinks congratulations are in order for all ordinary South Africans and their never-say-die resolve. This year could have been a cataclysmic nightmare if we were to allow turmoil and political instability to get the better of us. Well done dudes, reward yourself with a braai and a brannas!
Whilst I shan’t encourage it, I do sincerely hope that some of you are able to spare a few seconds to scroll though the interweb while on holiday. More so in particular, our site – I’d like for my slightly eccentric message to reach you wherever you may find yourself in the country. This is also where I’ll issue a plea to the stay-at-home holiday makers to support my noble cause. Well, I say noble, but middleclass hardly has a nice ring to it. The wind-down may be a call on crickets to silence the streets of every metro around the country, but if you look hard enough there still are a couple of lekker things to do. Chief among those are included in the list below. Let’s have a look.
1. The Great Moscow Circus, 22 December – 8 January
What struck me here is that the whole katoot will cost the Moscow Circus in and around R80 million to visit sunny South Africa. I have never given any thought as to the financial implications of running what some would call ‘family’ entertainment. Colour me surprised! Nevertheless, this is something spectacular that we do not get to experience on our shores every day. The Great Moscow Circus can easily be counted among the best of its kind on the planet. A simple sample would be to consider the dominance of Russian gymnasts at the Olympics over the last few decades. Now add colour and music. An element where the circus also pips the sporting equivalent is a touch of romance and wander. We have happily progressed as a species; for those who are worried about animal participation, fear not. We’ll have none of that. We will however bear witness to the greatest clowns, acrobats, death-defying daredevils, aerial artists, balancers and jugglers known to man. It is a spectacle not to be missed. Please do take your children along, they’d mightily appreciate it. Tickets are available through Computicket and the show will be held in the Mighty Big Top Tent at Montecasino.
2. …And Music For All, 22-23 December
I suspect the sound waves to echo in abundance over the festive season – at home, on the beach and even puzzlingly down-tuned out of a GTI’s window. This year we do not care what you listen to or how loud you do so. We are an accommodating people, after all. While not much, I tried my hand in finding a jingle to suit ears across the gamut. First we have Jesse Clegg who, not because of his legendary father, became a full-blown musician in his own right since the release of his third album, Things Unseen. Café Roux in Noordhoek Village will host Clegg’s pop and rock spectacular on Thursday and Friday night. A dinner is available earlier in the evening while Clegg is expected to start at 20h30. Tickets are available through Webticket and start at R120 a head. Next up we have the internationally acclaimed DJ Black Coffee. Here is a man who ain’t no simpleton behind a laptop or turntable. He has some serious music credentials in that he is a jazz major and former back-up singer to Madala Kunene. This guy knows his stuff. If you rather feel in the mood for a spot of dance and house music, I’d suggest lugging yourself and your crew to Shimmy Beach Club on Friday evening. Tickets start at R175 per person and they are available through Nutickets.
3. YOH! YOH! YOH! Merry Christmas!, 25 December
I believe there to be a cheerfully insidious agenda around a shindig hosted on Christmas day – on a Sunday nogal that only starts at 21h00. YOH managed to worm their way into Cape Town’s Manila Bar on an otherwise very quiet day of the year for a riotous party for lone wolves looking for something to do. It can either be that or Christmas lunch with the in-laws had been boring and the younglings are now in need of something exciting. It’s being billed as a club night. So, to my party animals; we’ve all looked for a shanty on Christmas without any luck. I present to you a spot of reprieve this year. You are welcome. They are rather cryptic about the goings-on of this particular event. Here are some clues as to what the night may have in store for you. Mistletoe, a Christmas tree, surprises in your stockings, gifts, Drunk Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, The Grinch and Charlie Brown hanging out, forgetting about your Xmas lunch/dinner, tinsel, passing out on the sleigh, Jingle Bells, eggnog, lots of The Manilla Bar’s infamous ‘Kung Fu Kick’ shots and a YOH Christmas Hamper Competition. That’s it, that’s all I can give you aside from the R30 damage at the door and its location at 161 Longmarket Street in Cape Town’s City Centre.
4. Vodacom Beach Festival, 21-24 December
Durban, we are jealous of you. This is largely because of your prime beaches and a 24/7/365 summer climate that allows you to host events like these without a worry. Festivals spanning multiple days, organised in advance, in Johannesburg is optimistic in the very least. East Coast Radio brings us this fine gig where we’ll have one of South Africa’s premier musicians performing live on one of the dedicated days. A mound of family-friendly activities had also been woven into the magic fabric that is a coastal holiday festival. These offerings largely cater to the tykes, but I assure you nobody will raise an eyebrow if adults participate. All of ouch rugby, limbo competitions, Little Miss and Mr Vodacom contests, dance-off competitions, beach dashes, beach volleyball, treasure hunts and sandcastle-building contests will keep entire family members entertained. Let’s move back to the music front. Here I can tell you that Matthew Mole is up first on the 21st at 13h00. Then we have Locnville on the 22nd at 13h00, Kyle and Shekinah on the 23rd also at 13h00 and finally #BeTheBand winners, The Audinarys at noon on the 24th. The event runs daily from 09h00 to 15h00 at uShaka Marine World and would-be attendees do not have to fork out anything for admittance!
5. Bliss In The Sun Pool Party, 23 December
Citizens of P-Town, we have not forgotten about you! I know that Snor City can become blisteringly hot over the summer months, my three years spent living there had me blow a tonne of money at Clicks. Water is what you need this summer and therefore, water is what you’ll get. The Velmore Hotel & Estate offers some respite from the sweltering sun this Friday as they bring to you a Vegas-style pool party of which the like has never been seen. I expect hordes of impossibly good looking people sipping cocktails poolside, others cooling off in a well-mannered fashion and all bobbing heads or flailing arms as no less than 25 DJs spin away for the maddening crowd. Hey, maybe you’d even meet your summer’s fling along its banks. I don’t want to sound hopelessly optimistic here and get carried away here, but that person may even be a future spouse. Attend with intent, brothers and sisters! More importantly though, just have a good time. Tickets start at R250 per person and are available through Nutickets.
If you know of any exciting events happening over weekends in the country or you’d wish to inform the public of your own, please mail me on [email protected]