Sanibona, molweni, goeie dag, howzit, dumela, avuxeni, thobela, lotjhani – welcome each and all to our beloved heritage weekend. I am pretty sure all you friendlies are aching for this day to damned well just be done with. There is a weekend to be had, fires to be lit and maybe a little time set aside to reflect on why we celebrate this special day in Mzansi. Practice the social integration our country so dearly years for. I do not care if you are now-now or a just-now kind of person, just do me one favour: stop for a second to help your fellow man in need out. A couple of rands will do, heck; even a sarmie will put a smile on an oke’s face. A karma kick-back will find its way back to you, guaranteed. Lekker! Now go and tag your tjommies in a Facebook photo entitled ‘braai day tjop, dop en pop’. Hos!
Your braai supplies are surely bought by now. I guess you are merely just waiting for tjailatyd to pay your local butcher and bottle store a visit. Calm yourself; ons gaan nou braai! Lemme guess, you self-professed experts out there likely forewent the charcoal and stockpiled bags and bags of ysterhout. Wood is better, I maintain. I also kindly provided all you braai fundis with a list below, compiled by Jan Braai himself, so that you can maximise your experience this weekend. Remember, barbeque is a sauce not a method! Herewith the list from the master himself…
- Nothing beats a real wood fire.
- ‘Gas’ is Afrikaans for a guest at your braai, not something you braai with.
- Braaing is the only fat-negative way of cooking food. Even when you steam food the fat in it stays behind. When you braai the fat drips out.
- Try not to braai with indigenous wood. Alien vegetation like Rooikrantz and Blackwattle drink lots of ground water and besides it feels good burning Australian invaders.
- Braaing is a direct form of energy use, from the coals, to your meat. With conventional electricity there is a lot spillage between the power plant, power lines, electricity box, wires, stove and pan. If you love the earth, braai.
- Have enough ice at your braai to put in your brandy & Coke, keep beer cold, and to treat burn wounds with.
- Smoke goes in the direction of pretty people. Send them to the kitchen to go and make salad.
- Animals eat grass, leaves and vegetables all their lives and convert it to meat. Eating meat is like eating vitamin pills.
- A cow must only be killed once. Don’t braai your steak until the flavour is dead too.
- A braaibroodjie is your chance in life to have your bread buttered on both sides.
I’d lastly like to I implore you to please leave your keys hanging after your third blok-en-takel. Nobody likes a brandewynvlek on their car or a scheduled court date for drunk driving. Public service announcements are annoying I know. At least I can be at ease now.
1. Jo’burg Heritage Foundation Tours, 24-25 September
I had to include a bit of history before all the fun. Johannesburg is a fascinating city. It is my favourite city and I have mentioned before, the best city of all. One can hardly wrap your head around the innumerable amount of places to visit. Where do you start? It can be a pain trying to figure out what might tickle your fancy best. The Jo’burg Heritage Foundation happily conjured up a package that allows you to see and learn as much as you can in as little time possible. It is a fascinating journey spanning the entire city both old and new. I’d really urge you to gather as many of your friends and relatives as you can. The larger the group, the less you pay. The entire itinerary along with a price list is available [pi_wiloke_button button_name=”HERE” contextual=”h-btn” size=”btn-default” link=”http://www.joburgheritage.org.za/docs/Heritage%20Weekend%20Brochure/Heritage%20Weekend%202016%20Brochure%20FINAL.pdf”]. Visit the Joburg Heritage Foundation should you require more information.
2. PROEtoria, 24-24 September
Blessed be the Afrikaner. A utilitarian people they are. This truly is a one-size-fits-all festival. Bush, beer, exquisite food and live music from some of the best artists in the country; what more could one need? All of Die Heuwels Fantasties, Theuns Jordaan, The Sextons, Dr Victor & The Rasta Rebels and more will perform on the beautiful Spanish-style equestrian villa of Monte De Dios. Shoppers can also experience an array of goods on offer at the fine food, wine and craft market. A picnic will flank the live music performance granting weary folk an opportunity to properly wind down. Tickets start at R150 per person and can be booked through iTickets Children under 12 enter for free.
3. Live Loud 2016, 24 September
Attention all youths, hoodlums, yuppies and stompers: this one’s for you. Please do not writhe in disgust at the aforementioned name dropping. It was not meant as a scathing rhetoric, more an old man out of his depth looking to describe something he does not understand. These are terms of endearment, if you will. What is a heritage celebration without a full-on, no-holds-barred, 13-hour-long rock-till-you-drop music concert packed with the best talent South Africa has to offer. Fan favourites like Black Coffe, MiCasa, aKing, Desmond & The Tutus and DJ Fresh among other will be set to blow your socks off at the picturesque Kenilworth Racecourse in Cape Town. If at some point you feel overcome by the amount of awesome around you, have a lekker rest on the jungle-green grass while you stare at the imposing but beautiful Table Mountain. This event can surely not be missed so make sure you book your tickets through Computicket.
4. Imbuko Braai Day, 24 September
Wellington is but a stone’s throw away from the Mother City. Sixty kilometres hardly serves as an excuse to not pay this stunning town a visit. Also, and I can’t stress this enough, it lies smack-bang in the Western Cape Winelands district. This is more than enough reason for some to shimmy along the N-1 for a katspoeggie of some of the best vino in the country. Some may feel ‘Braai Day’ as a bastardisation of our treasured holiday, but those are bitter naysayers in opposition to one of the few things that unite us. We find common ground around an open fire whilst sipping on a cold kasteel. Imbuko’s sixth annual braai day welcomes the entire family to enjoy a relaxing affair filled with good food and drink. Kiddies will be cared for and adults can relax around the legion of braais as they indulge one of the many craft beers on offer. Tickets are available through Web Tickets and Cape Town Magazine will provide you with any additional information.
5. Phola Picnic, 24 September
WHEN it comes to KwaZulu-Natal, few areas embody history and cultural heritage like Inanda – which makes it the perfect setting for this year’s 100% Phola Picnic. Hosted on the shores of the scenic dam, this year revellers will be treated to a shisanyama-style event that caters for the whole family, young or old. Kicking off at noon, a wide array of DJs and musicians will entertain you with everything from jazz to hip-hop as you and the loved ones enjoy an afternoon in the sun celebrating what it means to be South African. Braai facilities and jungle gyms are provided, and attendees are encouraged to take along picnic baskets, blankets, camping chairs and cooler boxes and anything else you may need for the perfect chill out on the dam. Tickets start from as little as R50. For more info go to Comuticket.
If you know of any exciting events happening over weekends in the country or you’d wish to inform the public of your own, please mail me on [email protected]