Rob’s Top Five Picks For The Weekend

Another year has passed. Yes, I’m aware that the calendar year is not spent as of yet, but a certain someone has a birthday coming up. I sit here reading myself for a slew of phone calls from retirees and other folk of the miscellaneous ilk and June 2 is not even my accomplishment. One thing I’m really aggrieved about is that it falls on a Saturday and the Springboks might just suffer a potential loss in the USA. I can thankfully say that I’ve not been blessed with the misfortune of having a clown boring myself and other kids with crude balloonmanship. It’s just another day, I reckon. I can honestly tell you why I loathe such a day (phone calls aside): the who, what, where, when, why and how gets me every time. All I really want is to be a good-for-nothing layabout this weekend.

My main gripe lies with the attention. I will confess, however, that a breakfast offered is as grand a present as anyone can ask for. Look, throw piles of money my way and I’ll completely celebrate another living day; you can’t buy back your 20s but you can buy electronics, golf clubs and an unhealthy dinner. Maybe I should take a leaf out of my old man’s book – at the behest of a now relatively cheap petrol price; drive… somewhere. Thankfully the government is set to bless me with a belated 87c increase in the fuel price. That’s an extra R40 to fill up my tank, thank you. Call me bitter, jaded or ungrateful if you care to go that far, but I’m perfectly capable of buying my own socks. It’s a trip I hate so sincerely. Happy birthday, Robert; sleep in, dude – someone will feed you.

In the meantime, let’s dispense with the bellyaching and move on to what really matters this weekend.

  1. Time Travel, 3 June

Cost: R250-R300 available through Computicket

I’ve often harped on about my fascination of Johannesburg’s inner city and the City of Gold’s rather intricate history. From East to West one will find the landscape and architecture modify itself according to era and it makes for attractive gawking. It’s not always fun behaving like a tourist in your own living space, but there is an opportunity to learn here. The tour kicks off at the Sunnyside Park Hotel in Parktown where you’ll be met by experts with the adequate knowledge and street smarts to guide you through an intrepid couple of hours through this town of ours. Take as many of our contact list that owns a spirit of discovery along. I’m sure they’ll appreciate the gesture. I bet most are planning to park off at a pub anyway.

  1. Benoni Beer and Gin Festival, 2 June

Cost: R00-R120 available through NuTickets

These seem to be popping up quite regularly now. Either Johannesburg developed a bit of a drinking problem or various craft brewers and distilleries have become very aggressive with their marketing. Whatever the truth of that tale, at least somebody gets to indulge. Plus, the above items generally are my own picks of poison. I’ve never been sure how organisers of these festivals go about scouting a venue, but for those in the jolly old West Rand, Benoni is but a short drive along the N3 – no harm done. If you live there, well, cancel any other plans you might have. Jackets are a must, I suspect unless you are really brave or a little short of wit and common sense. In such a case, just have more. The Benoni Northerns Sports Club is where you want to be.

  1. Jo’burg Craft Rum Festival, 2 June

Cost: R200 per person available through NuTickets

If the above does not tickle your fancy or you find yourself living out yonder off Hendrik Potgieter Road, you’d likely consider this as an option. I’d actually pick this myself given my bearing witness to the wizardry some barmen come up with when rum is an ingredient. Then again, I’m also of the boring ilk who thinks coke and ice are the best possible fixings one can mix with the drink. Ground in Muldersdrift is also somewhat removed from the busy city so I believe the setting would suit some better. A little knowledge is also to be had given a bit of a rundown in rum’s glorious history. Delicious food and snacks will also be on offer and there will be plenty of space for the kids to expunge of their energy.

  1. The Parlotones, 1-2 June

Cost: R220-280 available though Computicket

It really feels like the country’s premier indie rockers have been quiet of late. I do however suspect that I’ve somewhat been living under a rock. A bit of a break is not inconceivable for the band however. This year marks their 20th anniversary and with it a brand new album. They likely have been working in the shadows to bring us a few more catchy tracks to sing along to at various stadia and venues. They have various concerts coming up this month to promote the album, but Cape Town and Pretoria is up first. The Artscape Theatre in the Mother City will host them first tonight before they make the trek up to Snor City tomorrow (more on that in the next entry). Consider this a celebration of sorts. If you are even remotely a fan a suggest you go and lend your support – it is not often that a band has two decade’s worth of staying power in an industry as small as ours.

  1. Jacaranda Day, 2 June

Cost: R85-R165 available through Plankton

It seems that the Voortrekker Monument in Pretoria has become more popular as a music venue and not because of its historical merit. Park Acoustics is a big proponent of this location and here we stand at another Jacaranda Day’s threshold. Before I get into a few details, please make sure that you have a spare R60 lying around; your ticket does not include your parking fee. The great thing about this particular iteration is that we have a musical mix that will keep everybody happy for the eight-hour long spectacle. All of MiCasa, Freshly Ground, Bobby van Jaarsveld, Martin Bester, Jo Black, DJ Jazzy D, The Parlotones and Juanita Du Plessis will strum out their best-off. Don’t forget, as mentioned above, the Parlotones do have some new material to promote and your attendance will undoubtedly mean that you’ll be the first in the city to hear it. Enjoy.



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Robert Clunie
Robert is a descendant of the stout Macpherson Clan out of the Scottish Highlands and can claim Robert the Bruce as a far-off cousin. He suffers from a severe form of Collectors’ Disease and sports an assortment of small valuable curious. In his spare time he works a full-time job, but his real prowess lies within his musical aptitude as a drummer. He is a semi-amateur of the instrument and although he claims beating a drumhead one of the more primal sensations man can experience, he feels it to be an unnatural exercise to pursue. If he could have his way, he’d have breakfast every meal of the day and is a fan of all things Roald Dahl.