Rob’s Top 5 Picks For The Weekend

by Robert Clunie

There always seems something that mildly vexes me. I can lament that the school holidays have come to an end, but I think we’ve flogged that horse into a tidy schnitzel by now. It is the weather this time around that I have a gripe with. It’s behaved rather strangely given that we’re moving into autumn at this time and it has me glaring menacingly at the sun as if I’m trying to tell off the celestial body with a facial expression alone.

The schizophrenic nature of our temperatures of late has me quite miserable – or moderately displeased at the very least. I’ve never done well with the heat and I get that we’re parked off on the southern side of the blue planet, but I would have loved a bit of consistency. Some days are still stupidly hot and we all know that it takes some time to cool down. This means that bedtime turns a little sweaty. Then, however, for a few hours during the night, something happens. And it happens far too often for comfort.

A point will come where I’d wake up, shivering like a mortally terrified Chihuahua and, then and there, in my delirium I’ll have to scramble to find something to cover me. This, of course, interrupts my already poor sleep cycle; at least now I know on which side I’ll flourish come the zombie apocalypse. It may sound strange, but I can’t wait for them colder nights to come. To me they serve as my very own, proverbial Valerian root. For now, though, I’d have to exhale maddeningly at three in the morning for a few more weeks.

Most of us, happily, can sleep in tomorrow. But something ought to be done once you rise from that bed of yours – check out this week’s itinerary to see what tickles your fancy.

  1. Bring Back The Rock 2019, 30 March

Cost: R100-R350, available through Quicket

At times we’re in need of something a little heavier. You see, our radios and modern music charts are littered with disposable, easy-to-consume and somewhat simple tunes, for better or for worse. We don’t always feel like contributing cognitively when we listen to music, I get that, but I do think that we should veer every so often so that we can appreciate able musicianship. I have just this for you this weekend and you’ll be able to get your rock ‘n roll fix at a quaint, country venue within the confines of greater Johannesburg. Rusty Hook in Honeydew will bring you a long and stellar line-up of some of the country’s top alternative musicians. That mere R100 that you’ll fork out will have you bear witness to 12 bands that will play into the wee hours of Sunday morning. All of Man As Machine, The Sinners, Mavericks Den, Rise in Red, Mamba Pistol, Something October, Red Letter Sunday, Indie Dog, CMR, Overland SA, Koedoe and Supernovocaine will perform on the day. For more info, visit

  1. Loyiso Madinga In Problem Child, Ends 30 March

Cost: R150, available through Theatre on the Square

He might not be a household name just yet, but watch this space… this kid will be going places. Then again, Loyiso has secured himself a major gig as the South African correspondent for The Daily Show hosted by Trevor Noah. That is something that will look pretty good on an up-and-coming comic’s CV. As his one-man stand-up show’s title suggests, Loyiso will delve into his youth as a source of comedic inspiration. More specifically, he’ll chronicle his days as a pupil and the nightmarish antics he got up to that left both his teachers and his parents looking for ways to reel this wild child in somewhat. I urge you to go out to the Nelson Mandela Square this weekend to show your support for one of the country’s finest comedic talents.

  1. Thugs Of Comedy: Big African Comedy Tour At Joburg Theatre, 30 March

Cost: R100, available through Webtickets

The first three months of the year are, statistically, among the months that people feel a little blue more often than not. January, February and March, happily, has come to an end and I figured that we cap off these dastardly couple of months with a laugh or two. The Joburg Theatre in Braamfontein will defy the status quo of comedy on Saturday night as they host two brothers in Chik Alijoy and Panch Gasela who will, in tandem, attempt to have your glum wounds thoroughly stitched up. Interestingly, Chik is a ventriloquist and this will certainly add an extra dimension to their skits and material. The brothers will challenge your perceptions about your immediate environment and beyond through the accessible medium that is comedy. I reckon this is a show well worth seeing.

  1. Vegan Hippie Connection Market, 31 March

Cost: Free

Disclaimer: I urge all diehard meat-eaters and fans of Eric Cartman to avoid the Pirates Sports Club in Greenside this Sunday. I understand that the words ‘vegan’ and ‘hippie’ strung in a sentence together may put a few people off. But that is their problem and for those who fancy themselves as conscious eaters and members of the counterculture movement, welcome. Prepare for both Burning Man and Woodstock… the only difference is that you’ll remain rather clean and 70 stalls brim-full with goodies will keep you in high spirits. Those who fancy themselves a chop and a steak are also very welcome. It will serve as an experience that you might quite fancy when you walk away with a stack of eats that is surprisingly gourmet given the leafy ingredients. Live music will also pep up the atmosphere and people are also welcome to take their dogs along provided they remain on a leash.

  1. Wynberg Family Festival & Market 2019, 29-31 March

Cost: R20-R40, available at the gate

No weekend is complete with a family day out, no? Also, given the very reasonable price, I suspect that this is the ideal opportunity to keep the kids busy during their last weekend of the current school holiday period. This year’s event will be hosted at the Maynardville Carnival Grounds, which sports a fully-fledged amusement park. That fact alone should have the little ones drool from both sides of the mouth. Naturally, as with any market, will you be able to glance over tonnes of food, drink and fashion stalls should the process of entertaining your kids alone grow a little boring. Music will also play throughout the day and you’ll be able to sample an array of quality wines that only the Western Cape can produce.


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